remembering and celebrating LIFE

It’s been 7 years and 11 months since deciding to walk with my Savior King. He swooped me up and opened my eyes.
I remember those first two years of being a new christian… thinking in that time that it couldn’t possibly get better because of how amazing I saw Jesus to be but of course, it’s only gotten better. Day after day, year after year. This is covenant. This is forever.
Almost 8 years ago, in the mess of the month of November… God, the God who sees, showed me that He saw me and He spoke, to me. Directly to me. (He wants that face to face contact with all of us just so you know…)
Long story short, I somehow ended up in the front yard of the party house I had gone to and was locked out of the house. LOL. I hadn’t noticed because I was on the other line  with my suspicious/all knowing mom. I think I knew it was too obvious to try to hide anything so I flat out told her I had been drinking and I obviously wasn’t in shape to drive home, i needed a dd.  I actually told myself I wasn’t going to drink at that party and even brought a Starbucks tea which ended up dumped out and replaced with beer. This wasn’t the first time she caught me drinking… in those months before she had a few talks with me after seeing me tagged in pictures on Facebook… good ole, loyal Facebook.
So, there I was locked out. I hung up the phone-call and attempting to get back into the house I noticed the locked door. The front door had a glass rectangular window that I stared through watching my friends inside. One passed out/too high on the couch, a few gals making sure she was OK, the father and other dudes at the bar taking shots together where I had been a few mins before, people dancing, some walking around aimlessly, there was even ping pong inside and then tons of people in the backyard. I stared through that rectangular window and I felt in my gut, I knew it in my knower there was a shift in me. A Presence around me. I felt God saying to my deep places “that’s not what I have for you, you were made for more and it’s not this. That’s not for you.” It was strong and tender the tug, the presence, that voice. I backed away from the window and sat on the porch steps. Next thing I know my parents pull up and I sat in the passenger seat as my dad drove in silence. My mom drove my car home. I only remember crying, silently. My dad probably spoke a few words but I don’t remember them. I was shaming myself. I don’t remember anything else except for before falling asleep I rolled off my bed and on the floor I wept. I cried quietly so that I wouldn’t be heard. I gave up my so called “life”. I gave it up to the God who I knew saw me and knew me. I didn’t know what was coming but I felt peace come and love drench me to sleep.
I slept and slept.
I expected so much shame from my parents, I expected the worst. That didn’t come. I did get talked to but it was from love and concern. I remeber finding a written letter the next day from my mom to me. I still have that letter in my wallet. Faded and with folds. That letter showed me grace. It was my introduction to mercy. I hadn’t seen this side of my mom or this side of God and I loved it. It just confirmed the voice I heard the night before. She was a changed person in that season and Jesus shone through her words. I melted under mercy and grace kissed my eyes. It’s a bit blurry now how the next days went… but I know I wanted to share with everyone. I wanted them to know the truth of my old life and how Gods love is real. I shared in church, youth group,with the friends that would hear, and random folks. I wasn’t ashamed the old lies and my old life. I saw myself born anew. I wanted to serve everywhere. I wanted to worship and pray with other new believers. Fire had been ignited. My family truly was a big role in the beginning stages. It was their constant unconditional love that made me see Jesus. It was in the honesty and in the light, that transformed my spaces and deep places. That was just the start. I learned to receive the love of God and express my love for Him in ways that I never knew possible. Like simply through dancing wildly with all of my being, like in creating, like in speaking up, like becoming MYSELF fully and walking with HIM. It is only the start. Its been a wild and full time so far. I never expected some of the adventures that I chose to participate in and it can only grow from here.
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Abundant Life

When you live a life of abandoned love, surrendered before the awe of God, here’s what you’ll experience: Abundant life. Continued protection. And complete satisfaction!” Proverbs 19:23 TPT

THAT is SO great. That doesn’t sound doubtful… it sounds pretty sure.

Take that in today.

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I’ve decided to use my Facebook Page @leavesandfruit to reach out to people and share my journey with anyone who is looking for hope and healing. It hasn’t been too easy having convictions that some people do not but this is my journey and we are not here to compare! Every day with Holy Spirit is new and His mercies are new too. I feel his grace to keep on. I am ready to share with others how I am doing as I explore this daily life of freedom and joy in creativity. Some things that are for me are not for everyone and that is OK.

Facebook Page: Leavesforfruit

So follow if you like! I’ll be sharing here on the blog too.

I love talking about food, oils, nature, dance, cultures, and so much more.

Hope today!

Permission to dance

While I was in dance class in high school I remember we were all improving as a whole in our technique but I felt like I was just barely getting by from each technique learned. We were tested only a few times a year on our technique and I prayed that my body would hold positions. One day we were going across the floor doing pirouettes and our teacher shouts out that now instead of 1 ½ or 2 we were to go for 3 turns. She completely expected us to be able to do it and believed in us. I’m sure my eyes grew open a few sizes. I started to get nervous as I had the desire to be at the same level as all the others and also to please my teacher… I knew I was able to do it randomly but not on the spot “across the floor” to the beat of the music. So it’s my turn, and the first try I get 1 ½ and then as I’m stepping into the next one I felt Jesus’ face in front of mine and he said “worship me/do it for me”. I planted one foot and pushed up through the foot and put everything into position and the eyes of my heart looked into the face of Jesus with no worry to perform for my teacher or “make it” and boom I did 4 turns right there, landed nicely and kept hitting 3 turns across the floor with a smile on my face worshipping the One who sees me. After that hour of class, I was changed. From then on I knew that my strength, my practice, my skills, my hard work was all for Jesus and from Jesus and He was really the only one that mattered. From then on I danced for Him and WITH him. HE loves to dance with us. Any time after that, when we had a test or performance, I danced with his eyes before mine and I knew that I worked hard but it was firstly all for him and then my teacher started to see a new confidence and I felt good no matter what.

This moment in my life and journey with dance marked me. Till this day, I have decided to dance for Jesus and with Jesus whenever I dance.  That moment brings me to present day…7 years later. A few days ago I was with a group in Seattle Washington and more than ever I felt such permission to dance whenever I felt like it, to bless people, just because of joy, during worship at the church we were at etc. At one point our group was out at the University of Washington blessing the students and visitors on the campus with encouraging words, blessings or whatever we were led to do. I was walking with a woman named Maari who was willing to step out of comfort zones in order to love people the way they deserve to be loved, stepping out of the norm and say hello to strangers. She and I were walking around and we saw a beautiful bride and groom taking their wedding photos under the cherry blossom trees. We couldn’t seem to walk away from them. Maari is a photographer also so she ended up helping them with her dress and a few other details, and their photographer was blessed by that. Then she and I both loved the idea of me dancing over/around them and they wouldn’t know it but at the same time I would be praying a blessing over their marriage. I was prophesying over them with each movement of my body. This beautiful couple was ecstatic that I would even dance over their marriage. They were all smiles the whole time. Even when I finished dancing for them, joy was lit on their faces. Even without music, the peace and joy was felt. To me it felt a bit awkward at first but because it was for Jesus and because of Jesus, I didn’t give a crap. I was there to bless them and pass on the love that he so lavishly gives. I wanted them to see and feel his love. The awkwardness is now irrelevant. This opportunity to dance drew a crowd and I got to share with a few curious bystanders the reason why I danced and give them prophetic words too. Now it doesn’t matter where I am, if there is music or not dancing is my portion… it is more than expressing myself it is also prophetic and intercession. With each move, I get to proclaim the goodness or God to the world in every season and circumstance.

Seattle Trip (BSSM missions)

I went on a trip up to Seattle, Washington for a week… a week of lavishing love, hope, and joy. I had the opportunity on this trip to be on the creative outreach team. We decided to activate as a team by taking risks throughout our time on the trip. We were asked this question- What does risk look like for you on this trip? and that was what we were to go after. We got to dream with God and too see miracles happen EVEN before we went out.  We even pre-made small prophetic art pieces, cards, or gifts to pass out while on the streets in Seattle.

One day all 60 of the people on the trip gave away single flowers to people in the crowds of Pikes Place with a word of hope and love. Another day we designed simple paper crowns to hand out to students at the University of Washington along with a song, dance, poem, encouragement, or however led by God. There are no limits to love. We had permission to step out of the box in order to bless the beautiful students around. There were amazing cherry blossom trees in bloom on campus, it set a dream-like scene. Spring was in the air, hope was all around.

Many times throughout the trip I saw an article of clothing on random people and I was able to use it to speak life to them and show them that God sees them and loves them. For example, while in Whole Foods one day I saw a woman who wore a purple sweater and purple earnings and in my head I heard “queenly” and “royal”. So I said to the woman “excuse me, I just wanted to say to you that you are lovely in Gods sight and a queen, He sees you and loves you. You are royalty” and she looked at me pleasantly but also in shock and said back “yes, I know that actually. I am His daughter.” She recognized her identity as royal, as daughter of the King. We smiled at each other, like we both new this secret wonder from Jesus. She was greatly affirmed and encouraged and I simply spoke up. All I saw was her physical purple outfit and spoke to her what I saw her as… it was simple and easy. I don’t know what it did to her, only heaven knows. But, it is my joy to speak up. It is my joy to step out. It is my joy to see people the way God sees them. Seattle made me realize that it is very quite simple and can happen anywhere. I have found that it truly is my calling to create and to love. My own breakthrough is right past fear and too, someone could come to know Jesus as we step into love and take a bold risk.

What do you title your first post?

I’m a goof. That is for sure. Always have been and always will be. I was lost there for a little bit, but that is just because I thought that being the “black sheep” was bad. I tried hiding who I am but, the thing is, you cant hide a black sheep. The black sheep will be seen and known. It’s time to stop trying to cover up yourself if you’re a black sheep or others who may be the black sheep. It is time to come fully alive! We get to love ourselves. That’s the only way we can really love others. Come to life! Find what you love to do, your skills or what you want to grow in and go for it!

Recently, I have decided that I am a creative! Firstly because my God is creative, that makes me (His creation) a creative being by nature. Now also I choose to create with God. I will encounter God while creating with Him. I love to try new things… in food especially! I love to experiment with flavors and colors. Since I am eating clean food, I may as well play with it and make it taste great!

Here’s to good clean food, healing, creatives, the mess, living life through eyes of hope, and learning to live with God in FIRST place.

 

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